The Life You Get

Never have I ever …. put my own wants first. I always chose the path of least resistance. I see maybe the same thing happening to you. I don't know how much time we might have, we're gonna eat pretty soon and then everybody leaves after. First, how you doing? How's the ankle? Yeah, well, you get used to that. They're not too happy with you right now, are they? Yes, your mother wanted me to talk some sense into you. Shows how desperate she is. So I thought about my life and wrote some stuff down. Yes, I made notes. Don’t laugh. This is important.

Everybody gets the life they deserve. But not everybody deserves the life they get.  The life you have is the direct result of the choices you make. But if you're not careful, if you make easy choices, you could wake up one day and wonder what the hell happened. There's an idea in science fiction that says every time you make an either/or decision, reality divides and creates an entirely different universe. So, in some universe, there's a version of me that really, really, really knows how to party.

There's also a saying that if you don’t make a choice, just go with the flow, that also is a choice. Understanding that is the first step. If you don't know that, you will spend all your life blaming other people. Blaming the world. Let me give you an example, perfect example, of what I'm talking about.

I took drivers Ed in high school. I took the classroom part and when it came to go behind the wheel my parents put a stop to that. They sat me down and asked -- over and over -- Where do you need to go? I didn't have an answer for them. Back then I spent most of my time reading. I could barely get out of the house. Years later I wished I would’ve said something like, “how am I going to get to work?” I didn't want to make trouble. I made a choice. So I don't drive.  Not a day goes by I don’t regret it.

Now you have to make one.

Not right this minute, but within the next couple of days. Nobody can do it for you. You can either go along, or you can say “I can learn from this and move on. And yeah, I'll make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. But I can learn from them.”

They will tell you that you “can't do everything just like everybody else does.” You're not like everybody else. Because of your “situation.” Why am I telling you this?

Before your first semester, when you fell, they could pick you up and brush you off. Or, keep you from falling in the first place. And now you have a cast. In a few weeks, that cast will come off. Your parents? Well, they mean well. They’ll say “we know you’re careful. It's other people.” They want you to go to Community College. Come home every day after class. Sleep here at home.

Don't do what’s easy for everybody else. Don't say, “you know mom and dad, you're right. I do have a lot to learn. And I know, I walk with a limp and I might fall. I guess you're right.” Don't say that because you just want to go along with them. Don't say that you're going to fight and go back to college just because that's what you think I want to hear. Don't wait until you're old and alone to start saying “this is what I want.”

Start now. Right now. It will get easier as you get older and live more. If you suddenly start rebelling when you're in your 60s or whatever, they will not hear you. Nothing will change. And they will push back. You have to be willing to put up with, “I told you so. I knew you were going to fall” or “you've got to be careful” or whatever.

Don’t tell them everything. I made that mistake. If you sound resourceful, if you sound calm and confident -- so will they. The cast is going to come off and you'll be OK. And you can say, “well, I know what will happen if I move the wrong way and I fall and I break something. I'll have a cast. I'll have a hard time walking around and I won't be able to take a shower,” right?

Go out into the world. Be careful always. Never be afraid. I've never said any of this to you before. I didn't want to influence you too much. You have to be you. And if it's your choice right now to say OK, I'm not going to rock the boat. I'll heal. I'll develop that judgment, etcetera, etcetera. That’s fine. Take responsibility for making that choice. Don't say I could have or I would have or I should have. Say I did or I didn't.

As long as you can keep trying, it's not over. It doesn't matter how many times you fail, how many times things don't go the right way, how many mistakes you make. What matters is how many times you try again. And only you can make that decision. Don't let other people tell you to “try harder” and keep working on something that you know isn't right for you.

I know you can do this. I’ll never forget, you were about three, and your Dad went in to wake you up. You were on the floor, already put on your socks, and your brace half over your foot. You said you wanted to surprise everybody. Half an hour later you were still trying to figure out how to tie it up. And then he started to do it for you. And you screamed! Your mom said the neighbors heard you. You yelled that he messed it up. Yeah, I would’ve left you alone, too. But half an hour later you walked into the kitchen all suited up.

Listen to your grumpy uncle. Don’t wait too long.

There’s your mom. Dinner time. Let’s go eat.